Gay Marriage

Dear Governor Romney,

I would like to suggest in actual accordance with other positions you have taken regarding (gay) marriage, that the Commonwealth of Massachusetts also ban infertile couples from marriage. If the position is that a man and a woman are necessary for the creation of a valid nuclear family, then those among us who by act of God or sorcery are unable to bear children should then in good fashion be left out of the institution. For what good-minded society should allow for such blasphemy? Is it not natural for the mother bird to throw the sick and dying among her brood to the ground, in the hopes that they face a quick and painless death, rather than the agony of a painful few days on Earth?

If we live by the rule that two people capable of bearing children should be allowed to marry under God's watchful eye, then surely He demanded no less than perfection among those entering into His realm. I therefore propose that in order to determine who is fit for marriage (much like the required test for certain sexually transmitted diseases before entering into today's version of marriage) we have a two year "probationary marriage" in which the couples try as they might to bear a child. I do not know and am myself still debating the possibility of whether to allow for the inevitable miscarriage. Perhaps if the fetus makes it to the third trimester, the couple will have passed the test and will be allowed to pass into the "full rights of marriage" phase. I am open to compromise on that issue.

I will tell you, sir, I think this is the right course of action and will definitely light a fire under those couple's asses. I myself had a similar ultimatum, and let me tell you, there is nothing like a nurse telling you that you have to go the bathroom or else you will have a catheter inserted into you to get the juices flowing, if you will not mind my crude remark. To be kept among us guys, of course! That probationary period marriage will surely weed out those among us who are clearly able to bear children from those who are not. Perhaps the lottery will also benefit by allowing bets to be placed on whether certain couples will bear a child or not. I for one was amazed that that John Kerry fellow was ever able to procreate--I would've lost that bet, I will tell you what!

I think by now you must realize that this is entirely within the realm of the possible, and that I have had a stroke of genius. It is a new, unique policy that will go over with the crowds like your other stances on marriage have. It is surely a winner of an issue, and the best part is that you're Governor, so you'll have no problem putting it through with your pals in the legislature. I am sure of that!

Do let me know, as I can hardly await your reply!

Your loyal supporter,


Jeff Federico
Boston, Massachusetts

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Dear Reader,

I created this webpage only after I wrote the above letter to Governor Romney of my home state of Massachusetts. I am personally befuddled at how in this day and age certain groups are still ostracized, even in a state like Massachusetts. It is with a spirit of righteous indignation that social movements such as that for gay marriage rights are sometimes born and with personal commitment that they thrive.

It is with that spirit that I wrote this letter, not for the Governor, who is but a figure-head, but for a wider mass audience, from whom real and lasting reform must sprout. Massachusetts has traditionally been a hotbed for the advocacy of human and civil rights. I refuse to let the small minded political ambitions of today interfere with the broader concept of equal rights for all time. This letter is for all time.

I am not sure how often I will post to this particular site (I did not intend for it to become a personal journal). However, please consider linking to this site or otherwise supporting gay marriage (and other) rights in Massachusetts and elsewhere.

Thank you for your time,


Jeff Federico